Inflatable Sheep

Dear Billy,

It's your birthday again. You're 27 today. I wonder how you are, where you are, and hope you are happy. I wonder how many more of your birthdays I will go through without knowing. The memory of my one moment with you is as clear as a bell. Time hasn't diminished the details of how your little face was a perfect blend of your father's face and my face.

I will once again update my records with the the State Adoption agency in Little Rock just in case you look for me. I'll let you know where your sister lives and that you have two nephews now.

I carry you with me everyday, a bittersweet scar on my heart. After all this time, I still believe giving you up was the best thing I could have done for you. The only thing that makes it bearable is the hope that you had a better life than I could have given you at the time, that you had parents who loved you, cared for you, given you all that you needed.

It's raining today and that's appropriate. I played “Reunited” by Peaches and Herb. It was the song they played over and over on the radio in the hospital after you were born. At the time and for years afterwards, it was too painful to hear. But now, it sounds hopeful. I take your memory out every year at this time, treasure it, cry over it, and keep the hope alive that someday we will be reunited.

Love you,
Michelle