William Austin E**** was born Wednesday, March 14. He was a healthy boy weight 7 lbs, 15-1/2 oz. If every anyone could have put Dan and I into one body--Billy is the result. It has been the most painful experience of my life. Any previous heartbreaks I may have suffered in the past, seem so shallow in comparison to this personal tragedy I am suffering.

I had to see him in the nursery. He wasn't beautiful in that sense, but he was all boy--there was no mistaking it. I wanted to hold him so much. There will always be a very special place in my heart for this baby. Even so, I know I've made the right decision because Billy will go to a home where he can have all he needs and have two people who will love him. But it still hurts. I'll never forgive Dan for bringing it to this. I hate him so much for this.

Seeing Sherah will help and life will go on. Thank God I can never get pregnant again!! The whole experience is so horrible and is made so that the whole burden and pain falls on the women. Well, I've learned my lesson--a bitter one, but one well-learned.

It's time to recover, to heal, and get things together. The worst is over and I have survived. I'll laugh in their faces yet. I can do anything. Men beware! I can only get stronger!