I thought I was going to have a seizure, really. It was the oddest thing to feel, like in slow motion. My blood coming straight up from my heart, up my throat, in my face, my breath was cut off, and I thought I could scream, but only a scraping broken-glass moaning shriek came out. Tears rolled down, and they were hot and they burned my face, I gasped for air. My muscles spazzed out, I kept saying No, not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet. I'm not ready. I felt like I was looking into a volcano and watching dark lava spewing up from the bowels of that volcano and speeding towards me, just moments from obliteration, or the loss of my mind at least.