Here they are, THE BEST Stupid Penis Tricks as submitted by you WebHeads and judged by the SPT Testing Committee and Dance Troupe. And as usual, all tricks have been tested for your pleasure and safety.

Penis Of Fortune
"Get together with your partner and compose a list of fantasies/desires/etc. Try not to make it too long (6 or 8 is a good number). Take a circular piece of paper/cardboard/something softer and fashion an opening in it large enough to accomodate the penis. Space the fantasies out evenly and put lines in between them.

"Now here comes the hard part (pun intended). Get him to swing it around in circles (gyrating in a crabwalking position helps - think of the limbo) until it lands on a choice, and proceed from there."
—Michael, Honorary Hole

Frosty the Penis
"Cover it with whipped cream, use two green M&M's for the eyes, a small carrot stick for the nose, three tiny raisins for the coat buttons, a bit of licorice candy for the hat which can be placed at a rakish angel, and voila...an adorable snowman any lover would be happy to melt."
—Gentille

Einstein Penis
"Get your penis moving arbitrarily close to the speed of light (>.9999c). Lorentz contraction will do the trick of making a super-massive cheswick."
—Randy, Honorary Hole

Peniszilla
"In honor of the King Of The Monsters, food-color Mr. Happy green. Use sugar water to attach some small triangular yellow pieces of paper to his "back" and you've got PENISZILLA! Now put some Monopoly houses in the "bush" and let Peniszilla attack Tokyo!"
—J.R.

Monkey Sundae
"How about making a Monkey Sundae. Just put on a little whipped cream (preferably when he has a boner so that there's more cream), a couple of cherries, and maybe some M&M's. Makes for a delicious dessert."
—Ryan, Honorary Hole

"Penis Ala Mode. When my babe says she wants ice cream at night during a rental flick, I drop down, surround Big Rich with vanilla ice cream and cover it all with Hershey's chocolate sauce!"
—Frank, Honorary Hole

"Banana Split. Place penis is a banana split holder and decorate with various flavors of ice cream, syrup, and, of course, a cherry on top. Place some extra nuts on top if you're a little short. Yum. Yum."
—Thor, Honorary Hole

"Corn-O-Penis. Take a corn-o-copia, slice down the side, slide over the penis, and fill the sides with your favorite holiday goodies like chewy gummy goodies, whip cream, hot fudge, Haagen-Dazs, etc. Definitely makes for one fun Thanksgiving dessert, especially if you use a sugar cone."
—Raven

"Ice Cream Cone. Cut the bottom of a flat ice cream cone, put his woody through it. If the end doesn't stick out, trim the bottom so it does. Then put a scoop of ice cream on the cone. Lick, suck, or bite the ice cream off and around his penis. You get a snack and he gets a suck."
—Max, Honorary Hole

"Penis Sundae. Take some whipped cream and squirt it all around his peenie weenie. Top it off with a bright red cherry and enjoy! Trust me, it will be the best sundae you ever had."
—Cassandra